I think I'll take a drink. First just a sip. Oh, that sip was good. I think I'll take another sip. Ummmmm, that was good too. Terrific and refreshing. I think I'll drink some more. That was fine. I think I'll drink the rest of it.

Glug glug ahhhhhhhh! I'm getting a mouth drownin!. That water has got me! It has filled me too much up. Ahhhhhhhh. I'm dying of water! It's the worst thing ever. That water is killing me!

Oh, look at that water. Maybe it's in a swimming pool or a bathtub or the old swimming hole. Look at it. Its waves are so soft. It looks so kind, it looks so fine. I would like to jump in it.

I bet if I jumped into that water, it would feel real good. I'd get all clean and it would just be real nice. I bet if I jumped into that water I would just have a lot of fun. Some water sports or water games sound real good to me now.

I think I should jump in that water. Look at the way the sun is playing on its surface. It's telling me that the water is clear and it's time to jump. I think I'll jump into that water. What harm could come of that?

Arghhhhhhhh! That water is killing me. It is too much and it is drowning me. It is making me too wet! It is making me too clean. With its abrasive water action it is wearing off my skin just like water wears down rocks with time in geology. It hurts. It is bloody. Erosion is no picnic, especially when it is happening to you. Arghhhhhhhh! That water is killing me.

Sisterine, I may not always be able to give you face to face reports like this. We might get called away for more than working hours. I might have to go for a few days for the mission that we need to make. But I can talk to you now. And if I can't talk to you face to face, then I will talk to you on the phone or by letter.

But now I can talk to you face to face. And I have to tell you about the flat and the tall, because that is what we are up to. I have to tell you quickly because I have to go again soon to do more work with Agent Only.

We are both in training and on a mission. I can tell you about both, but I might not be able to reveal all the details, because some of them can't fall into the wrong hands, and even tho I know that you are not the wrong hands, your hands may unsuspectedly lead into the wrong hands. Agent Only told me this, and told me that I have to be careful.

So I can tell you about the flat and about the tall, but I can't always tell you which is which. I can't go into the tiniest of details, because the tiniest of details might help our enemy. And now I know a little about out enemy, for I have put myself into the shoes of the enemy, and I know what those shoes feel like.

They actually feel a little like my shoes, a little like the shoes I am wearing now, but not exactly like my shoes. I could imagine wearing those shoes, but I am not. I am not wearing them even a bit. I am not wearing the socks or the shoes either.

I am wearing my shoes, and I am wearing my socks.

I am wearing my pants too. You can see that.

Yes, I know that you can see that. But I can still say it, even if you can see it.

So there was the flat and there was the tall, and I can tell you that.

But I can't tell you a whole lot more.

We did a little training and we did a little bit of mission.

You don't believe me? Why don't you believe me? Is it because of for confidential reasons I can't tell you all the details, is that why you don't believe me?

But I can't tell you the tiniest of details, Sisterine, I just can't. Maybe I can later, but not now.

I can't tell you because it's confidential.

I can't tell you because it might fall into the wrong hands.

I can't tell you. You can ask me but I won't tell.

I can't.

Flat and tall, that's all I'm saying.

Okay. Okay.

I can't tell you.

Okay. Okay.

We didn't do a mission, if you must know.

That's why I can't tell you the details.

Sure, that's it.

Yes, we didn't do a mission.

I helped Only with his laundry.

I checked the dryer and got him his magazine.

I rounded up quarters. They can be flat or you can stand them up on their edge.

But we are so doing another mission, and I have to go and get ready for it.

And I might not come back, at least not right away.

What do you mean, go ahead?

I have to, but I will be back, and I will tell you about it.

And it will be a mission this time.

I mean next time.

I mean now.

This water means business. And I do mean business. It means business with its wet ways and its furious. It means commerce and it means fair market. It means exchange rate and it means currency. The water means legal tender and it means the declaration of meaning.

This water means the work of the day, the toil of the field, and the valuation of all things around us. The water is as powerful as the biggest bills of money, and the water is its own way of accounting for all things.

The water is the biggest head for figures. The water is all numbers and value. The water has a big head and it has that big head wrapped all around the meaning of things.

You might have thought that it was water that was washing out your house and field, but it is the money talk of water, it is the greenback of liquid, it is the rain of depressed markets.

It might have been the water that did that foreclosure. It might have been because it really was.

It's the water that bought out the bank and made all the debts twice as tall. It is the water that broke the bank, that made currents thru the teller aisles, and washed away the drive-thru depository.

It is the water that runs thru the safety deposit boxes. The water is safe inside, but nothing else is safe.

You might think that the water is running down your drain, but the water is really writing out your checks. And let me tell you that the sum of the amounts of all those checks that the water is writing is quite a bit more than you can afford.

Sisterine, we went a distance. We had to go a ways. Agent Only and I made a walk.

There was the land of the horizontal, and, as Agent Only told me, the horizontal is made out much of cars. When you walk, you are vertical, and so you have to stay that way if you want to win.

And getting in a car would have meant that we would have to get horizontal. And we would have to make the world around us into a horizontal world, with parking lots and flat long buildings, and stripes on the road.

So we had to take a walk. We had to walk thru the regions of the horizontal, and this took us some time.

We saw many signs of the horizontal, and a few signs of vertical hope. The signs of vertical hope were signs, high up on their vertical posts, but most of them were in praise of the horizontal world, and Horizontalism in general. There were the Horizontalist signs, which you might call billboards, and there were the Verticalist signs which were just a few words on the top of a very tall pole. We saw them both. Yes, we did.

We saw and we did and we walked. Actually we did very little but walk on the side of the road. We saw the trees, and these helped us out. I sometimes wanted to ask Agent Only where we were walking, or why, but I didn't. I figured the answer wouldn't be that we were walking to a place, but that we were just walking.

Every once in a while, Agent Only would say something about Horizontalism. He talked about the lure of it, the seduction of it, the over allness of it, and I could believe him. All I had to do was look around to see it.

I saw a few buildings and the hills and the plants. Some plants were low to the ground and some were taller. The taller ones were Verticalists, and were good, while the short ones were possible Horizontalists in plant form.

As we walked, I asked Agent Only some questions. And I also talked about a few things. I talked about how you, Sisterine. didn't always believe what he had to say about things. He said that I had to be careful. He didn't really say anything about you.

I wish I could say that we came to an inn or that we had an adventure, but there were no inns and there were no adventures. There were signs along the road and there were all the plants, and there were the two of us walking. And there was the sun in the sky. Sometimes it was on its own, and sometimes there were clouds.

After a while, that was all I noticed. I stopped looking down at my feet and instead looked up at the sky. After a while of looking I noticed that it wasn't all one solid blue, but that it was darker and lighter. Sometimes I watched a cloud move, but I was moving too, so it was hard to tell the difference sometimes.

I saw a little rock and picked it up and felt it in my hand for a while. It was cool, but it got warmer as I kept it in my fingers. It was all smooth, and that seemed appropriate.

We kept on walking, and I figured we would have to turn around sometime.

I had a question that I wanted to say, but I bounced it around in my hand with that rock for a while, because I thought that Agent Only might be mad at me for asking it. I didn't want to make him my enemy here and now, so far from anything or anywhere.

I said to Agent Only that we were indeed walking vertically, in that we were standing up and not lying down or sitting low in a car. But wasn't our path a horizontal path, a path that could be drawn like a line on the ground, or that could be depicted on a flat map.

He was quiet for a while. I wondered if I really did blow it this time and he would hate me and not be here in a second. But I guess he was just thinking.

He said that I had a good point and must have learned from his lessons. And then he thought again and we walked some more. And then he said that the Horizontalism of our path was probably trumped by the Verticalism of our walking. And that was the difference. Plus it would have been impossible for us to walk in a truly vertical direction, because that would be like up or down.

We walked some more and then he talked about how we really are walking some up and some down in our forwards. Sometimes we walked down dips and sometimes we walked up small hills, and so we were walking vertical as well as horizontal. Maybe more horizontal than vertical, but still some vertical.

And we walked some more. And we didn't turn back, or at least I don't remember us turning back.

But even tho we didn't turn back, a few hours later I saw that we were at the place where we had started.

You don't believe me? It's not that I think that we actually walked around the world, but we did get back to where we started, and I'm not sure how.

And maybe we didn't walk around the whole world, but maybe a smaller circle of it, if you can understand what I mean.

I didn't ask Agent Only how we did what we did it. When we got back to where we started he just said, that's enough vertical warfare for today.

And then he went his way and I went back home to you. But I don't have much more time.

You have plans? Of course you have plans. And I have my plans, and my plans are very important.

Your plans are important? Do you think that your plans are more important than my plans? I don't think so. They might be important, but more important?

Sisterine, you'll have to trust me. Because I don't know where our next mission might take us. I don't know where it will take me, and take me away from you.

But it might, but I'll also come back, just like I did this time. \

And now I know that pretty much for sure.

You might be wondering why I know so much about water. It's a long story, but I know. I have spent some time with water. I have spent some time listening to it, and watching it when it practices its habits. And I know that it is rising. And I know how to know that it is getting higher.

Because water does get higher. It spills over walls and comes up from the bottom, and then you can see that wet line rising on the concrete. That means that the water level is going up slowly.

And sometimes you will see the white froth of fast water. That means that the water is coming on strong and might hurt you immediately. If it is coming slow, it can still hurt you, but it might take more time.

You know a little about water. But I know a little more about it. That's why you should pay attention. That's why I'm telling you about it.

Because if you have gotten this far, I assume that you are kind of paying attention. And if you are paying attention, you might want to tell some other people. You might not even want to tell them, you might want to warn them, because warning is what must be done with this stuff.

There's a crack in something. That's enough for the water to slip inside. Just a crack, and then there is water. Just a little jagged broken line, and water can make its way. And once there is a little bit of water, you can be reasonably sure that there is more water coming. And more water means a lot of water. And more water can be frightening, even if that water doesn't have a scary mask.

Think about how your shoes smell when they get really wet. And just so you know, it's worse than that. Much worse.

That's what the water can do. You know it can do it.

Sisterine, do you trust me?

I don't know if I trust him. I don't know if I trust me.

I don't know if I'm doing right or wrong, but I just know that when he tells me things I believe him, and it all seems so important.

Why is it even worthwhile to struggle against the Horizontalists? You have to trust me on this, but he did say this to me in so many words.

Maybe it wasn't words, but does it always need to be words? I know that look on your face, Sisterine, and I know that that look is not made up of words.

There were Horizontalists long ago, he told me so, Agent Only did so. They came and they went, they made their mark on history, sure they did.

And then there were the forces of good, and that would be the Veriticalists.

That's who we are. Maybe we're the only ones left. Agent Only told me that sometimes it feels like this might be so, but I might believe it too.

Everybody has a little vertical and a little horizontal in them. At least everybody who has a middle finger has the capacity of both in them.

Maybe I'm telling you all this because I'm not sure exactly what this is all about and who I am.

And why I am following Agent Only, and learning from him, and helping him as his Research Associate.

But I know that way you're looking at me, and it sometimes makes me wonder.

But I am going back to him, and I will help him out and learn from him.

I think we are going someplace else this time.

He told me about the Horizontalists. Where they started and all, but I don't really remember.

It was a long ways back.

I can't really concentrate when you look at me like that.

I'm just trying to tell you why but you're just looking at me.

I know I should try to tell it better. I know I should get the details better. I know I should be able to describe what he was wearing. I think he had a tie on. I think he had a jacket. It was cold, so it could also have been a sweater. I'll try hard to remember.

I think he was wearing a sweater. But maybe he had a tie on too.

He had brown pants. I'm pretty sure of that. I think I noticed that.

He had glasses, but you know that. He's kind of tall, but he's not taller than he was the last time you saw him.

When was that? That was a long time ago. Now you probably don't want to see him.

But I think he also suspects you of having horizontal tendencies. Do you? Do you have horizontal tendencies?

Really, we all have them. We have a little lying down and a little tall. Sometimes we try to repress them and sometimes we don't.

And then there's all that Hypnotic Trip Therapy in the air these days. There's so much of that. You can't help but be touched by that.

I mean touched in a bad way. You can't help but be warped by that. I know that I probably am.

Maybe even Agent Only is a little bit warped by it.

But he can see thru it, and that's why I trust him so much.

He might be touched by it, but he also gets over it and looks harder.

And he finds out about it, too. I'm not exactly sure how he does it but he does it.

He finds out about it and I'm supposed to be his Research Associate. I guess sometimes he just has to do my job for me.

And that's another reason why I have to go and help him.

I know you don't want me, but I have to.

I have to go. That's what I have to do.

I guess I'll go now.

I guess I'll go and help him with some of his work.

It's important, so I have to do it.

If you were a fish, you might think that water is the greatest thing on land or sea. But you're not a fish, are you? You're not a fish, so you might not think that water is so friendly.

If you were a pill that was dissolving in water, then you'd have a different idea about it too. If you were a witch who gets burned by water, then I'd bet you'd stay as far away from it as you could.

If you were dry land, then you might not like it, because when you got wet then you were no longer dry land. If you were the shore, then you might not like water, because water would always mean the point at which you ended, and for a shore that's a little like death to you and me.

If you were water, then you'd like more water. Unless you were kind of a recluse water that didn't want to be around other water. That kind of water might not want more water, but most water would want more, or at least not care all that much if there were more.

But you're not water, and you're not a fish. You don't swim, or maybe you do, but even if you do swim, you probably don't want to swim all the time. Your fins would get pretty tired. Your gills would have to do all the breathing. But you're not a fish so you don't have gills, now do you?

You're not a fish, remember that, so when the water covers you, you can't turn it into oxygen. You need to get your oxygen from the air and you won't be able to get it if the water replaces the air. Then you'd be really lucky if you were a fish.

But you're not a fish, so you better hope that water doesn't keep coming, but it looks like here it comes.

We were supposed to me at the park bench today, Sisterine. Agent Only was supposed to meet me, and he didn't show up.

I waited for a while. I waited for an hour after he was supposed to be there and he wasn't there.

I stood for a while like a good Verticalist, but then I got tired and sat down, but I sat down straight. I was wondering where he was, and what could have happened to him. After a while I slumped a bit in my sitting. It was the wrong thing to do, but I did it anyway, and I did it because I noticed that he wasn't showing up.

I was wondering if the Horizontalists got him. I was wondering if somebody or something or some force had got him, because he wasn't where we were going to meet and he had important exploits to do with my help today, I am sure of it.

I was pretty sure that he wasn't just sleeping in or lazy, or had forgotten.

So I waited and waited a whole hour. Then I waited fifteen minutes more, in case he thought there might have been a time change.

Usually, he is there when I get there. Usually, he is there first. He has already figured something out at our meetings, even before I get there. But this time he didn't come. He wasn't there first and he wasn't there last. He just wasn't there.

I started walking away, but I didn't know where to walk. Then I walked back to the bench, just in case he was very late and just getting there. But he wasn't there. He wasn't very late.

We always meet at that bench, but I wondered if he went to another by mistake, so I went to the other benches in the park, but I didn't see him. I wondered if he might have gone to another park by mistake, so I walked a few blocks to the next park and looked at all the benches there and didn't see him.

I wondered if he might have gotten delayed getting a coffee or something, so I went to the coffee shop and looked in, but I didn’t see him. While I was nearby, I looked in the barber shop too, just in case he was getting his hair cut, but he wasn’t the guy in the barber chair. It wasn't him at all.

I went to his house. It is not far away. I walked there, walking straight and tall, but as I got closer, I have to admit that I slumped a little.

He has a vertical house, of course, and he lives on the second floor. I looked up at his windows and the curtains were open, but I couldn't see anybody inside.

I rang his doorbell and knocked at his door, but there was no answer.

Because I had seen it in movies, I found a little pebble and threw it up at one of his windows. It made a ticking sound, but luckily it did not break the window. But it also didn't get his attention if he was inside. But he didn't come to the door or the window or look down or look out or come out or shout out. I don't think he was there.

I looked around his house for a while for clues, but I didn't see any clues. I wasn't sure what clues would really look like, but I didn't see them anyway.

I walked back to the park to the bench where we were supposed to meet and he wasn't there yet again. There wasn't a note for me, so I looked around the bench and the park for clues but didn't see any clues there either.

I just didn't see him or see any sign of him.

I was wondering if he might have been gotten.

I thought for a second that I should go to the police station but Only never told me whether the police were on our side or whether they were Horizontalist agents. They very well could be, which meant that it would be a mistake for me to go there, because the Horizontalist police might have been the ones who captured Agent Only so we couldn't meet today.

I walked around some more looking for signs of him, but all I saw were the things that we had walked by when we were on missions or trainings.

And then I wondered if this was a test for me, and whether I was passing it or not. Maybe this was all in his plan and a part of his teaching.

I kind of chuckled then and said out loud, Agent Only, this is a good test. But then I felt pretty strange talking out loud to myself.

And he didn't hear me and come out of the woodwork.

Because if it was a test he would have been hiding behind somewhere and following after me, and I looked all around and didn't see him, and didn't see him either in any place that could hide him around me.

And then the time was up and I had to come home to you. And that is where I am now.

And I still don't know where he is.

I know what you might be thinking, because you have that look on your face, Sisterine, but I have to find him.

This might be part of that strange and deadly Horizontalist plot, and I have to save him because nobody else is going to save him.

It might take a lot of my time to save him, so you might have to prepare for that.

I have to look out for him because he is doing something very important and it's to the risk of his life, and even to the risk of his disappearance, which we can see so clearly now.

So I have to go even tho I just got home. I have to figure out where he is.

I have to find him so I can keep on helping him with his mission.

This is my mission, you might say, to find him to get him back on his mission.

I know you don't understand, but I have to do it anyway.

You know the difference with water. Water isn't dusty. That's why it stays so wet. You might notice how it changes the colors of things.

That's when I first noticed it. It changed the color of the carpeting. It made little drops on the ceiling. You know, water drops. If you look closely into the water drops, you might see yourself. I guess the water trapped you. That’ll show you. That will show you by way of water.

You might have notice how the water made things look kind of dark. They had their same color, but a darker shade. That was a sure sign of water. That, plus it was wet.

When things are wet, you wonder where it is coming from. If there are drips, you can follow the drips. Sometimes you can hear them, sometimes you can't. If you can't hear them, you just have to follow their trail as if you were hunting water. But when you see the water, you better not shoot it. Shooting at water doesn't make any difference, because it's water, and you can't kill it.

You can't kill water. Doesn't that scare you? It's hard not be scared of something you can't kill. If something is attacking you, you want to be able to kill it, because that will stop it for sure. But not for water. You can try to kill it pretty hard, but you can't kill water. It's not that kind of thing.

You can't stop water with a stop sign. Water doesn't obey traffic signals or the rules of the road. It doesn't follow the statutory code, despite the risk of arrest. Water isn't afraid to be arrested because no cop dares arrest water. And you better bet that the water knows this.

And if you think you're going to citizen arrest water, you better think again. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever citizen arrested water. And you're not going to be the first one, let me tell you straight.

One of the reasons that water has never been arrested is that water isn't just something that you put in jail. Water destroys jails. Water can rust those bars and erode that concrete. So if you want to keep your jail in one piece, you best keep the water out of it.

When that water is dripping, you better get a bucket. But it's not like the water is going to find its way into that bucket. You have to position that bucket in such a way that the water is going to find it.

You can't set a trap for water, but you can set a bucket. But good luck getting that water exactly in the bucket. But sometimes you do have good luck and that water goes straight into that bucket. This is one of those days, but once the water is in that bucket, then what do I do with it next?

I'm not going to put in in jail. I know better than that. I'm not going to citizen arrest it. It wouldn't stand for that.

I guess I'll just keep it in the bucket until I figure out what to do with it.

Once I figure out what to do with it, then I'll deal with it. But until that day, I guess the water is going to stay in that bucket.

I walked down Wellfleet Way. I walked to Jerusalem. I walked and walked until my feet were stale. I walked to find the Agent man.

I walked down streets and alleys. Some were friendly and some breathed hostility on me. I looked because I had to find, but I didn’t find that Agent Only.

I tell you this Sisterine, so that you will believe me. I tell you this because it is what I have to say. I looked in windows and in yards, I looked in shops, but none of them were selling him. I looked at the shapes of the bands of the sky, but it didn’t tell me where, but it didn't help me out.

I went looking for Agent Only, because he is the one I am working for. I had to help him in his mission; I had to help him find it too, this time. I had to track him down, or maybe he was tracking me, and the silence was nerve racking, it wore an orange vest.

When you don't know where is that Agent Only, then you better go walking and looking for him. And that is what I did, Sisterine, and I know you don't believe me, but I want you to help me find him.

Maybe if I look outside and you look inside. Maybe if I try the streets and batteries, and you look in the resources of your inside secret soul. I will try out the doorknobs and you must try out the nose and eyes. I will try to find him sideways and upside down and always.

When you look, you are looked at. And with Agent Only not around, I noticed for the first time all the other people. There were other people; they are there in their cars. They are there with their stares and their looking past things with music headphone ears.

I saw the people and some of them saw me. I saw the way they were seeing me, and it wasn't so amusing. I saw their instant eye judgment, and it made me want to hold my horses, but I just kept still, but I looked back with faint smile.

They were all looking too, but I don't think they were looking for Agent Only. They were all looking too, Sisterine, but I think their look was 100% horizontal. I think they knew how flat their way could be, and that's where their direction lay, and that's what took them from me to elsewhere.

I wonder if he wondered what I was looking for. I wonder if she wondered what was in store for me. I wonder if they wondered if I was for real and not a disease. I wonder if I wondered whether they loved me like a recliner chair.

I looked at them and then at past them. I looked around because I didn't have a clue. I didn't have a clue, but I wore my same shoes. I wore my same shoes and I thought about them as I walked.

And then I saw something. Maybe it was something and maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was a clue, or maybe it was just itself. But it was a shoelace, and it was black like Agent Only's shoelace.

I had to bend my body almost in half to lean all the way down to pick it up. This was a vertical action, and I did it without having to practice. I picked up the shoelace and I bent my body back up tall. I bent myself up as tall as I can go, which isn't that tall, but which is tall enough for me.

I held up that shoelace so I could see it in all its string. I held it up close to my face so I could see it with my eyes and smell it with my nose.

I couldn't smell anything about it over the odor of car exhaust that lines the streets and corridors, but I could look at it, and I would watch it twist in the outer space of the air before my face.

I could see it twist, Sisterine, I could see that shoelace make its line on the air like a pencil mark in pen ink. I could see it try to sign itself with its black revolution of sky crack. I could see it as a shoelace and I could see it as something completely other than itself.

I could see it twist up, and I could see it twist over. I could tell that it had vertical elements, but it also contained the germ of the horizontal within it. There was everything in this one thing, and I held it so I could see it. And I wondered if Agent Only would look at it the same way, and I wondered if this bit of line could connect me to him like a chain.

I had something, I had my first clue. I didn't know what to do, but I held it tall and strong. I had a shoelace, and was it from his shoe? Or was it the shoelace of another? I didn't have all the time in the world to think this over, but a line can lead you somewhere, and I had to follow this line. And maybe I could follow it to Agent Only.

And that is what I am doing, Sisterine, even tho I cannot see you, even tho you might be at home or you might be elsewhere, but I am certainly elsewhere.

Water water nasty water tiresome water troublesome water water water problematic water water in my misery.

Water water overrated water, underwater water water without nicety. Water water simpleton water, overcharging water unbelievable water.

Bad guy water good guy water but mostly bad guy water.

Water in between your sheet and in your underwear and secret places.

Underground water to frighten your feet.

Water in cages but don't think it's tame.

Water in the air you breathe. You thought it was air, but it's really very wet.

Water disobedient water degenerate water misbehaving water. Water in trouble, water in detention water as a wet delinquent.

Water as bad as they can get, foul water, smelly water. Water on the wanted poster, outlaw water, troublemaker water.

Sisterine, I don't know if you are listening, but I am talking. I am the Mintyfresh who got on the bus to try to find Agent Only. He didn't show up, and I cannot find him, and I walked so much, so now I must take the bus to find him.

I rode the bus with all the other people. I can't be sure who is vertical like me, and who might be a Horizontalist. The bus could be swarming with Horizontalists, and I can't let it be known that I am on their case. So I have to keep it sneaky, so I have to keep a low profile.

So I kept a low profile. I pretended to read the newspaper, but I only got thru the first sentence. Because instead of reading the paper, I was looking around. I looked around at the people on the bus, and I looked out the window in case I would see Agent Only.

People on the bus were talking, but I wasn't talking. But what if somebody were to talk to me? I had to plan things out, just for such a contingency.

I thought about it for a while. What if somebody asked me who I was and what I was doing. Would I tell them the truth, or would I lie? After thinking and thinking, I decided that the safest bet was to be deceitful. I would give them a false name, and a false mission.

First I had to come up with the false name. My name is Mintyfresh, so I don't want to come up with a false name that is at all anything like that. So my false name must not have Minty in it, nor must have it Fresh in it. That doesn't leave a whole lot of options left, so I had to think them all out.

What kind of false name could I give? If I gave a false name for me that didn't look like an appropriate name for me, they would surely know that and find me out, and know that I was crafting a clever story for some spy reason. So I had to be careful with my false name.

I thought about many many false names. I considered them, and had to throw them out. Some of them I had to throw out because they contained Minty or Fresh as part of them. One of the false names I thought up was Mintyfresh, but that wouldn't work as a false name at all, because it was my real name.

I also had to throw away many false name ideas because they didn't seem at all like names for the likes of me. Like Victor Mature, I had to reject that false name for me. I also had to reject Dorothy Garland, tho I did really like that as a false name. But other spies might not buy that as a name for me.

After several bus rides of thinking, I came up with my perfect false name. If anybody asked me what my name was, I would tell them that my name was Halitosis. Hal for short.

Next I had to come up with a good lie for what I was doing, just in case anybody on the bus should ask me. I couldn’t tell them that I was looking for Agent Only so that I could help him, Agent Only, fight the invisible terror of the Horizontalists. That would be a dead giveaway, if I said that. It could possibly put my life in danger it I told that to one of the Horizontalists that we were struggling against.

So I had to come up with a good cover story. I could say that I was going to shop for groceries, but then I realized that I had no grocery list with me, so that excuse was not at all plausible. If I told somebody that and they asked to see my grocery list to prove it, I would be dead meat.

I thought some more and then I thought that I could say that I was on the bus to visit my Aunt, but then I remembered that I had no Aunt along this route, and a clever asker, especially if he or she was a Horizontalist in disguise, would catch me in my lie.

I thought and thought, and then I thought that maybe the best answer would be to say that I was doing the opposite of what I was really doing. That way, I would never be caught in my lie, or at least I couldn't think of a way that I could be caught.

So if I were to say that I was doing the opposite of what I am really doing I would say... and then I realized that I would have to practice what I would say.

I don't mean that I would practice saying it out loud, but that I would practice saying it in my head. And sometimes I would mouth the words, too, for that always helps me remember what to say.

So what I am really doing is that I am looking for Agent Only so that we can fight the Horizontalists.

So the opposite would be that Agent Only is looking for me so that we can love the Verticalists. It took me a while to figure this out.

I was ready to say it.

I repeated it a few times so I would know what to say. It was only when I was repeating my excuse, my story, my lie, that I realized that it was really a lie describing what Agent Only was doing. It was not describing what I was doing. So I still had to come up with a thing that I was doing, in case somebody asked.

After thinking about this a while, and trying to make the other thing backwards again, I just decided to say that I was going grocery shopping but I had forgotten my grocery list at home on top of the dresser so I was going back to get the grocery list.

But nobody asked me what I was doing anyway, so I never got to give that story, even if it was pretty good and took me a while to come up with.

The water holds off for a while, and holds off longer. That's when you have a drought. The water comes on far too strong. That's when you have a flood. But even at the in between times, it still can pose a water threat, because it is water, and it has it out for you and me.

Water can look so innocent. It has that water smile. It can fall from the air. Water can be like a little friend and knock on your door, but so you can barely hear it. It might come thru the back door, it might come thru the front, or maybe it will come by window, which is the same color as it is.

Maybe it will come right thru your roof. That's the way it comes by leak. Sometimes you can put a bucket out for it, sometimes you will forget. If you forget, look out for the rising water.

It is coming from somewhere, and it is getting here fast. It is the water, and it is rising.

It started out as a wet spot, and now it is the Dead Sea. It started out as three raindrops, but now it is Lake Superior. It started out as a glass of water, but now it is the Pacific Ocean. That's what water can do if you let it. It can make a whole ocean, and don't you try to cross it on foot.

Water can be such an expanse, that you can't even think it, there is just too much of it.

Water can be so deep that it's almost like it isn't deep. It's almost like it is just forever, but that's what water can do for you.

Sisterine, here is a message for you. Here is a message from a bottle, or from a TV screen. Here is a message to you written in my own bile, written on the roads and sidewalks that I travel. I have to tell you from some distance, because some distance is where I am.

I rode the bus to look for Agent Only. But I had to get off at a bus stop, because I thought I saw something like him. I thought I saw a flash of vertical, I thought I saw something of his glasses.

It could have been my daydream, but I would like to think it was reality.

And so I got out on the furthest most distance bus stop, so I am far from reality, here in the suburbs.

I thought I saw a flash of Agent Only and so I tugged the chain and got out right before the bus did its turn in the parkinglot and went back the way it came. So here I am where everything is horizontal, because I thought I saw him.

But the more I look around I think that I must have been mistaken.

It could be hours before the next bus comes, so I decide that I must start walking. I must start walking back to you, for you are the one I am coming back to. If I cannot find Agent Only, I know that I can find you, and so I must ask you to have me back even tho I have not always been there.

And so I am starting to ask you as I make my way of walking, as I walk so far and so night and so feet.

Will you ever listen to me again? Will you ever trust me at my word? Can I even come up with my own word after having coming up for so long with only Agent Only's words?

I believe so much in him, or I have believed so much in him, that I wonder if I still know how to believe in myself. I might be able to learn that again. I think I am good at learning. Agent Only told me that when we were doing our training. He said to me, Mintyfresh, you are good at learning, and I don’t think he was just saying that, even tho he was saying that.

So I am coming back to you Sisterine, even tho it is a long walk. But I am walking now, do you see, do you imagine me walking back to you?

It sure is flat around here. Which does make you think and wonder if Agent Only or I mean only Only, was really onto something. Maybe old Only Mordred was onto something this time.

Because do you remember how I told you how he's always done this to me. Since we were kids he had some kind of idea and he'd get me into something.

There was the idea of the wooden oatmeal idol, and the mystery of the floating water leaves. There was the case of mistaken capacity, and the uncanny laugh from the neighbor's bush. There are all these cases and mysteries and he would lead me into them. He would always call me sidekick or Research Associate, or something like that, and he would lead me into it, and it would be fun and maybe a little frightening, and he would lead me on.

But most of them would just putter off into nothing. Most mysteries weren't really mysteries, they were things you could understand if you just looked at them carefully enough, or if you asked a question.

So I guess you'd think I'd learn.

But this one sounded so good at first. It sounded like there was really something there.

I got so concerned about the Horizontalists and the missing middle fingers that I couldn't really think about it straight.

So now I'm coming back to you, Sisterine. I'm coming back and I'll just ignore that Only Mordred when he has mystery cases to take up with me. I'll let him do them on his own.

I'll let him deal with those Horizontalists on his own.

I'll let him...

That's when I saw the Don't Walk sign. Another one with a middle missing finger.

And then I saw them.

And then I said to them.

What is this?

Who are you?

What? Me?

I'm just a...?

What do you mean, What do I know?

I'm just...

Help!

The water can attack it. It could strike you at midnight or in the middle of sunny day. It could get you from the front or the back. But it can get you.

The water can attack you, but it won't be going for your wallet or your credit cards. It will be attacking you to make you wet. And when you are wet, you are almost kind of water, and that is what the water wants.

The water just wants everything and everybody else to be water. It wants cats and dogs and cows to be water. It wants presidents and tykes to be water. It wants fishermen, nurses and egg shells to be water. It even wants puppies and kittens to be water. Isn't that pretty cruel? Well, I hate to tell you, but water is cruel like that.

Water can attack you and all those other things. It can also attack more than those things. It might even attack other water sometimes by mistake because it is so good at attacking but not always so good at seeing what it is attacking.

I got attacked by water once. That is why I am telling you. It was no picnic.

But I did escape. That's how I can tell you about how bad it was. And I hope you listen to me, and I hope you be careful. Especially around water. Especially just about always, because you never know when water is near.

You might think the coast is clear and dry, and then you'll hear that dripping. Maybe it's coming from the walls, maybe it's coming from your shoe, but the water is coming.

When it comes slowly, you might hear it in drips. But sometimes it just slowly pours, and good luck hearing that.

So you just have to be real careful about that water. That's all I'm saying.

I have been captured by the Horizontalists. I am in the back of their airtight vehicle of flatness. I must write to you in sweat on my shoelace, Sisterine, for there is no writing paper or pens or cell shaped phones in this airtight light-tight and space-tight black box of my imprisoning.

Also, this is a very horizontal space that they have me stuck in. so using the sweat of my brow and the shoelaces of my shoes to write this message to you keeps me acting in a vertical sense, even if I have to stretch and bend my body somewhat horizontal

They asked me my name and I told them it was Halitosis. They told me that I was lying and they were right, but I wasn't going to give that to them, so I just nodded No. I wasn't going to let them think that they were right, even if they were right. They might get big headed or something. They might think that they were really right, even in their evil. I wanted to leave them with some doubt, you know.

Those Horizontalists, they were pretty horizontal. About as horizontal as you can get. They were all left and right rather than up and down. You had to look side to side to see them, and I do mean side to side.

They were trying their darnnedest to make me horizontal too. The way they had me in their vehicle of flatness, I had to pretty much lie on my back. I felt all the bumps of the road on my bum rather than on the balls of my feet.

I felt like I was going miles and miles. I didn't know how far they were taking me. All I knew of them was that bit about them asking my name when they captured me, and then they shoved me into the vehicle of flatness and closed the door. Now all I see is darkness, if darkness is something you can see.

I had just been doubting Agent Only so much just moments before, and now I could see that everything that he had ever said, at least about the Horizontalists, was about as true as anything could be true. And now I was their prisoner, and he hadn't even finished training me in the best way to struggle against them.

I tried to think about all the things that we had done in our training. I thought about setting up the leaves to make them vertical, and that’s what led me to writing to you, Sisterine, in the hard way that I am writing to you, because it is kind of a vertical thing that I can do in such a horizontal and small space.

I could put my middle finger up in the air, and so I did that, and I did that again. Nobody was looking, but I put my middle finger up in the air of that small space.

And that reminds me. When I saw those Horizontalists, I saw how horizontal they were, and I saw something else. I noticed that none of them had middle fingers.

None of them could ever flip me off. That made me think of something, that made me think of something that could be my ultimate weapon against them.

I felt very good now. I knew exactly what I was going to do when they let me out of the vehicle of flatness and took me to their leader for interrogation. I would flip off their leader and that would render him powerless because he couldn't flip me off back.

Or maybe I could dis him, and I mean dis him real bad, so that he would want to flip me off, only when he was about to flip me off he would notice that he didn't have a middle finger, because he was a Horizontalist, and I now know that Horizontalists do not have middle fingers. He wouldn't be able to flip me off and this would be disconcerting to him, and while he was so disconcerted I could do something to him to make him even more disconcerted. I could, I could.

What could I do to make him even more disconcerted? I could flip him off with the middle fingers of both of my hands! Two birds at one time! That would make him really disconcerted, and he would be so upset because he couldn't double flip me back.

I was feeling much better now. I was still feeling very cramped, but I was feeling better knowing that I had such a good plan for disconcerting the enemy. I was less disconcerted myself, knowing that I knew how to make things very disconcerting for those who were trying to disconcert me.

And now I am still sweating pretty good, but I have run out of shoelace, so I must stop writing to you Sisterine.

So goodbye for now, but I will let you know what happens next when I am in a place where I can communicate that to you in some fashion.

Look at all that water. It could be an ocean. It could be the whole planet.

We are so made of water, and the water wants us back. The water wants not just the part of us that is water, but all the rest of us too.

And it means business. It comes from deep below the ground to search us out. It makes its way down our throats, and mixes with sugar and juices and other things because it doesn't have an invitation letter.

It finds its way inside, and it finds its way outside again.

That water is an expert at finding appropriate and inappropriate orifices.

That water. You got to hand it to that water. It knows just how to close us off from everything else. It knows just how to make the whole world above it into wavy lines. It knows how to keep everything in reflection.

It just knows where it is going and what it is doing. And who else can say that?

Sisterine, I am now writing you from a Horizontalist prison room. I have no pen and paper but I am able to write to you with the ink of my spit using the stylus of my middle finger. I am writing on the paper of my inside pants leg, so they cannot see my message to you when I wear my pants in the usual fashion, outside out.

And so I have to tell you that I was in the vehicle of horizontal small space for some more time after my shoelace ran out. For a while I thought that I could almost be in a coffin and be in the state of death. And then I kept myself alive wondering if death itself was a Horizontalist plot. For after all, why are people buried in graves in a horizontal position, rather than vertically, standing up dead? And think about all the cemetery real estate that would be saved if people were buried in coffins standing up straight and vertical.

So they drove me further, and I had no window to see the trees and signs, so I had no idea where we were going. But we did go, and we went there for a long time.

Then the vehicle stopped. And this time it stopped for longer than for a stop light. It stopped longer than it would stop for a Don't Walk sign without the middle finger.

And I was still locked in the horizontal in that small space in darkness while the vehicle was parked. And I wondered if they were trying to decide what to do with me and where to take me.

But they already knew. They were taking the time to have lunch for themselves, or to watch a horizontal TV show, or just to have a talk about horizontal things, as Horizontalists are wont to do.

Maybe they had to tie their shoelaces in ignorance of my shoelace message.

And so, Sisterine, they kept me in that horizontal chamber for a while longer, and then I heard buckles unbuckled and doorknobs turned. They must have been releasing other bodies. And then they released mine.

I saw the sunshine again, and I thought I must have had some very mussy hair. I'm sure you would have reached for a comb and just would have had to comb my hair if you saw me with my hair all mussed up from my horizontal prison.

The Horizontalist guards surrounded me, and so I thought I would show them my defiance by cleverly flipping them off with my middle fingers. So I shaped my hands like that but I kept my hands down. And then I tried to make them look not so much like vertical middle fingers because I saw that some of the Horizontalist guards had Horizontalist rifles held in a very horizontal manner and aimed so horizontally at my stomach.

One of those guns could probably shoot off a middle finger of mine in no time flat.

And they led me on a walk, and it was a short walk, to this room. They must have driven their horizontal vehicle up close to it. I guess that was considerate of them, but I wasn't about to be polite and thank them. I think Agent Only would have been proud of my lack of politeness. Maybe I got this from his training. Maybe it was just something that I just thought I should do.

I had a short walk, which isn't good if you want lots of exercise, but there I was. I didn't have much control over how much exercise I was going to get.

And they took me to this room. And I can sit up here, and I can even stand up if I bend my neck like this, but it still is very much a space made for Horizontalist people, and not for Verticalists who like to stay vertical, like myself. I keep my spirits up by saying again and again Agent Only's words of staying vertical. Those words are Up See Daisy Me, Up See Daisy Me. Saying those words mades me feel much better.

And now I am at this point where I have some time and pants leg to write to you again, Sisterine, to let you know where I am and that I am feeling in good health, but I still don't know where I am and I still don't know where Agent Only is. So I guess I will have to fight the Horizontalists alone and in their prison of a room.

There is a light on the ceiling. But there is no window. If there was a window, I could tell you what I saw. But all I see now are walls and a door and the lightbulb. At least it is a compact fluorescent, so the Horizontalists are in the energy saving frame of mind.

But beyond that, there are no landmarks to tell me or you where I am. So you can't find me. But of course first you would have to find my pants leg to read this before you could find me from any landmark I could tell you.

You must be careful walking down dark streets at night. The water might be in puddles, but will it stay in its puddles?

You best be careful when the sun is on the other side and the clouds are low and the streetlights are faint. You might see extra reflections when you see some water, but watch out what that water might do when it stops helping you with reflections.

In Hollywood motion pictures, when they want to shoot a scene at night, they wet down the streets first with water to make them shiny so they photograph well. Those Hollywood people are fools! They are putting water where there is no water to begin with. Don't they know how dangerous that is!

Some people take a water bottle along with them on walks, or just when they are sitting down. They are fools! Don't they know that carrying a bottle of water is like carrying a Molotov cocktail! Don't they know that the water can strike when they least expect it, and all they have to do is unscrew that lid just a bit to unleash such water chaos!

Some people splash some water on their face in the morning. Those people are insane! Don't they know that the water can bite them hard when it has such easy access to their tender face skin! Don't they know that even a splash of water can drown them when the water is in a foul and killing mood?

Some people drink water by the glass. Those people are so incredibly foolish! Don't they know that such an easy invitation will lead to water problems, water blindness, water stomach problems, and water fever?

There are so many foolish people around these days. I hope that you are not one of them!

Sisterine, I know that I cannot see your face, but I wonder if you have that expression on it.

I was in one room, and then I got moved to another. Maybe they needed that room for another prisoner. Maybe they just wanted to keep me guessing. They haven't asked for my name again. Neither did they ask me what I was doing when they captured me.

Now I'm not sure what I would tell them if they asked.

But I do know that now I am forced to write with whiskers on the tails of my tucked-in shirt. That is the only way I know now to get this message across the universe to you, Sisterine. I hope you are good at reading whiskers on shirt-tail.

This would be so much easier if I had real tweezers. Luckily I didn't cut my fingernails yet this week. My slightly longer fingernails are coming in very handy.

Now I am in a new room. This one has just a bit of decorating. It has a hand painted on the wall. The hand is like the Don't Walk hand you see at so many signalized crosswalks, but this one, you guessed it, has no middle finger.

I'm wondering if that Halt hand with no middle finger is the visual trademark symbol of the whole Horizontalist movement. And what role would that symbol have on the wall of the room in which I am imprisoned. I still have to think that one out.

I am starting to put together clues. Or maybe that is what Agent Only told me, and I am making my own sense out of it.

Agent Only, you ask? Yes, I have heard him. I have heard his voice thru these walls. For stones can carry secret codes, even if those secret codes are just plain old English, which they are.

English language, and an elaborate set of knock symbol language. Three knocks on the wall, then four knocks on the wall, and then just two.

Between knocks and words thru stone I have made communication with Agent Only and he with me.

This really is two way communication. I have been able to tell him some of my story and he has told me some of his.

Actually I have not even seen his face, but I know his voice. I know its sound. I would know it anywhere, even over rock and those stiff vibrations.

He has told me a little about what he has found out.

It seems like we may be wanted by the Horizontalists not only for our knowledge of their nefarious deeds, but also for our middle fingers.

Agent Only has told me thru rock that the Horizontalists have set up a front company called Middle Finger Incorporated, which is harvesting middle fingers and using them to manufacture a wide range of articles and services.

Agent Only told me that the Horizontalists believe that middle fingers are the next big oil, and so I am telling that to you in whiskers and shirt tail so that you can act and get enraged appropriately.

I sent him back a series of knocks to let him know that I heard his story. I started to tell him about my false name, and how I gave it to the Horizontalists so they wouldn’t know who I really was, but I couldn't finish the story because Agent Only had more to tell me. Only the more he tried to tell me, the more garbled it all sounded thru the wall and knocks.

I had to knock back my Speak More Clearly signal, but I don't think he really knew what that signal meant, so he kept on talking garbled. And then he talked faster and slower. His voice got lower and then it got higher pitched.

I don't know everything there is to know, but I know that tape decks can do this and people can't do it very well.

Was Agent Only now a tape deck rather than a person? Or was I listening to a clever recording. And was the recording left by Agent Only, or was it left by the Horizontalists to keep me guessing?

I didn't really know either/or. I couldn't tell, because I didn't even have a window or a door. Actually there was a door, but I didn't have the key for the lock, so it was just as good as another wall.

All the things I heard from Agent Only, or from the voice I thought belonged to Agent Only, sounded plausible enough, but were they the real thing he found by doing spy research?

I don't know Sisterine. This is all so confusing now. I just wish it was me and Agent Only trying to prop up the leaves that had fallen over. I wish we were still doing that and had never gone on to the next day.

But we did go onto the next day, and here it is.

I'll have to stop writing now.

Until my beard grows back,

Mintyfresh.

You'd be surprised how much water does know. Some think that it knows more than you do.

Do you think you are good at crossword puzzles? Well, I think that water might be better.

Water has a good way of winning every crossword puzzle. It just washes it all away. It just washes away your answers until you can't read your pencil marks any more. And then it has won by virtue of default.

The water knows what this means and what that means. It knows what you think about it by carefully examining your face.

And then it gets higher. And then it goes over the water line.

The water doesn't like the water line. The water line is like something for the water to strive for, but the water doesn't really see it that way. For the water, the waterline is a sign of its oppression, and so it must rise even more, until the water is up to its own chin.

And that's when the water plays a real mean game of backgammon. And if it looks like the water is losing, the water will just try a little flash flood to wash all the pieces away, so nobody can remember, so nobody can ever win except for water.

Water likes to win, and water will cheat to get ahead.

Don't get your money near that water, unless you want to lose that money.

The water will make that money so soggy that you can't buy anything with it but frogs.

That's not really true, but it sounded right at the time.

Anyway, the point is that water can make money soggy, and it's embarrassing to pay for something with water that wet. Especially if you just took that wet money out of your pants pocket.

Sisterine, now I must write with you on earwax upon the inside sleeve of my shirt. You will only be able to read this if you hold it up to a common lightbulb to darken it into a readable brown.

And what do I have to tell you, but that I have met the enemy, and the enemy is not me. The enemy is a big squat guy who is a real Horizontalist, about as Horizontalist as they come.

I was in my room, and then I was out of my room. The door opened, even tho I forgot where the door was. The wall moved until it became a door - that's how I should say it. And the arms came out sideways to grab me and to take me to another place.

It was a long hallway. There was just long to about that hallway, and not much up at all to it. I was bending over backwards the whole forced march down the hall.

The only decorations down that long hall were long painted racing stripes. And some of those stripes had arrows. All the arrows and stripes went from side to side. Not a single one went up and down. Now I could really see how degenerately horizontal these Horizontalists were.

The guards were sliding me down sidewalks with their elbows and their knees, which are the most horizontal-making joints that we have. I kept on getting caught in my back bend. It was a difficult walk, and I am still suffering from the spinal issues that it brought to my state of health.

They forced marched me down one long hall, and then down another hall. I thought one hall was enough, but there were many more to come. Each seemed to be even more horizontal than the last. I had to bend my back even more to negotiate it with my feet and hands.

By the time we got to the last hallway, I was on hands and knees. So were the guards. But they seemed even happier that way. Maybe that was the supreme horizontal mode of self-carriage. I bet it would be.

Where were they taking me? Well, I will tell you. They were taking me to the Horizontalist #1, the biggest of them all flat guy. And when they dropped me in front of him, he did tell me that his name was Guy Flat.

Hello, he said to me, and he did say it in a rather flat tone of voice. He gave me his name. My name is Guy Flat, he said, and then he said that he was the general of the Horizontalist cause.

And he didn't even have to tell me, for when I looked up to where his middle fingers were supposed to be, what I saw made me gag. I covered my gag with a coughing sound, because I didn't want Guy Flat to know what I really thought.

But this guy named Guy didn't have anything like normal human middle fingers. He had these massive growths. I wondered what would happen if he would have to use them for some common procedure, like picking his nose or writing his signature.

I didn't know exactly what to say to him. I wish I could have thought of words that were more clever, or more threatening, but my back had a pain and I had no aspirin to make it feel better. All I could really do was moan, but I wasn't about to moan to him. So I came up with something quick to say to him.

I said, You are acting like a real jerk to me.

But that was all that I needed to say. After I said that, he flipped me off. But instead of flipping me off with the usual tall middle finger, he jerked outward his big bent growth of a right hand middle finger, and it bent out so far horizontally that it almost poked me in the eye.

That's not a nice thing to say, Halitosis, if that is your name, Guy Flat said to me.

I nodded my head so they knew that I knew that too, but I didn't go so far as admitting my guilt in words and sentences.

Why did you capture me? I asked him, and here I was being true and genuine in my talking.

We have our plans, Guy Flat told me, but he didn't go any further to tell me about his plans.

I wondered if these plans were the plans I had heard about thru the rock from the voice that I thought belonged to Agent Only. I could go on further with my wondering, but I'm afraid that I have run out of earwax, and I won't be able to continue this conversation in this medium until the earwax grows back again. And that takes some time.

So with that Sisterine, I must say again goodbye.

You may wonder about why you are hearing so much about the danger of water these days, and why you never heard such things before, especially with the danger and threat being so clear and present.

But I will tell you why you never heard it before. You never heard it before because you never heard it from me. Because you never heard it from me, you were only hearing it from fools, and what do fools know? Fools don't know anything. They particularly don't know anything about water.

But when you're talking water, I am the expert. So if anybody could tell you about the danger of water, I'm the person to tell you about it.

And I'm telling you about it. I'm telling you that you better beware. You better beware because water can get you more than just wet.

Wet is okay, because if you are wet and the humidity isn't too high, you will dry out before too long. Or you can even speed up that drying process with a towel.

But the wet I am talking about, no towel can rub it off. This water wetness laughs at towels, and, as a matter of fact, it laughs at you too.

And I don't mean laughing with you, I mean laughing at you.

This is the laughing water. It thinks you are pretty hilarious and it is laughing a stitch at you.

Or I should say that it is breaking a stitch in laughing at you, which means that it is laughing hard.

I can even hear it. It kind of sounds like a waterfall. It kind of sounds like a torrent of water.

In other words, water is almost always laughing at you. That is a sure sign of its sadism.

And it's always a good idea to watch out for somebody who is laughing at you. Even if that somebody is water.

Read Part Three

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